What if?

What if you woke up this morning and found out that everything that you thought was reality had been a dream?  The person lying beside you was a stranger, the bed you slept in was different and the people around you were not those that you remembered.  Pretty scarey stuff!  Just thinking of this makes you realize the importance of all that has gone on before this very minute.  Those moments before have made you the person that you are now, without them and the people that you lived them with, you are just a void in the universe.

I try each day to be mindful of those times before and keep them alive in my mind and heart.  I try to watch the way that I live my life so the bad parts don't get repeated and the good parts reflect the best of me.  I look at those things that others will use to define me and try to keep the parts that bring me shame to a minimum.  I don't think that I will ever be important enough for anyone to write my biography, but, if that happens I hope that my beautiful Grand-daughter Haley is the one to hold the pen.  I can only strive to be the person that she believes that I am.  Funny thing, my life through the eyes of a child is more important to me that anything I have done in the past.

I believe that the reality of who and what we are changes as we pass through life.  I think the mortar that holds our lives together is our past and those who have walked the path with us.  As we age we find out that people come and go in our lives, I really like it best when they come back into our lives.  I was one of those who lost contact with so many friends and aquaintences as I stumbled through my reality, now I am jealous of my friends that remained in contact with many of their childhood buddies.  The last couple of years have brought so many back into my life.  I love that we have grown older and have become grandparents, I do have to admit that we seem to have mostly matured now and seem to have our lives in order.  Those that haven't seem to have slipped off of the map or have just continued relying on the generosity of others to keep them involved. 

As I look at my friends, although we have aged, I still see the bright eyed incredulous kids that we were in the 60's.  I don't notice the toll that life has taken on each of us, we all know that you can not go through a battle without scars.  As I look into the eyes  that I have known for most of my life I see the reflections of the times that we have had together.  I see the love and tenderness that we feel for each other and I see the hope for more time together.  It is truly a wonderful thing to know that no matter how long you have been separated fom certain people you can still connect on such a personal level.  As we gather together I watch the years melt away and all I see is a bunch of kids still trying to figure out where we fit in life.  If there is one thing that I have learned it is the fact that the where you fit in doesn't matter, it's the who that you are doing the fitting in with that counts.